Sometimes it feels like life is a carrousel spinning round and around like crazy.
And all you want to do…is get off.
As a missionary and pastor’s wife, I got accustomed to pressure. After seminary, we moved with our two young children and one on the way to Sicily, Italy, to start ministry as missionaries in a training facility. My husband also helped out with preaching in a nearby church, whose pastor had recently retired. When the leading men of the church asked Johnny to be their pastor, we first hesitated, being aware of the risks of leading a long-existing church with little experience on our side. But the church insisted, and we accepted. I mean, this is what Johnny had trained and longed for, to be a pastor. And it doesn’t often happen that a church in Italy asks you to be their pastor. So we moved our little family to Messina.
Darkest Moments
Problems came very soon. People started to leave since they only wanted a preacher on Sundays but not a pastor. The church was not prepared to follow their new pastor even if we tried to change things slowly. People we got to be friends with left, plus Johnny had to deal with a lot of criticism. We got the feeling we were in Messina to close the church. During those years, the training ministry developed. Johnny was also teaching in other churches, preparing classes, and translating for American pastors who came to teach. When Johnny was not traveling, we had visiting guests over. The emotional burden of criticism, people leaving, physical responsibility of caring for little ones with Johnny often gone, and in between cooking a lot for guests got me to that point where I just wanted to stop everything and get off the carousel. At least for a while. I had my darkest moments as a mom during those years. I often cried all by myself. I felt completely inadequate as a mother and as a pastor’s wife, and physical pain set in. “It’s too much; I need rest!” But even if we tried to get rid of some pressure – like minimizing Johnny’s travels – I couldn’t just hide and go on a cruise.
I had to learn to press on with God’s strength. Be near Him. Seek His nearness more than ever before. And spend more time in His Word.
“But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.” Psalm 73:28
God provides the refuge; He gives the peace which surpasses all comprehension amid the storm. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:6-7).
Staying in His Word gives me the strength I need to stay under Him, and also under the pressures He allows in my life for my good, and His glory. The German theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, speaks of “the staying under” – only “the staying under” are the pressures of life; staying under suffering will result in the perfection of our faith. “Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:3-4).
God’s Plan in the Pressure
Maybe we made the wrong decision regarding the church, and we could have avoided the difficulties which brought so much pressure on our family. But even if we did make a “mistake,” it was God’s plan for us. The pressure was God’s plan for us. The church shrank in size but grew in depth. Today it is a joy to see this small group of people who have a high view of God’s Word and allow their pastor to lead them.
We live in times in which more pressure is likely to come, and we should be prepared. “Let us lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith” (Heb. 12:1-2). So, sister, let us run the race together. Seeing you stay under God’s hand and pressing on faithfully encourages me greatly to endure also. By His grace, He will perfect our faith until we enter His perfect rest.
